Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Heavenly Body of the Month: Mars! Mars! Mars!

Hello, and welcome to the first edition of our Heavenly Body of the Month series. Granted, even though this is the first of that series, it is actually the 78th in the series, which up until now, was called Heavenly Body of the Week. The weekly aspect of our little outer space game had already been getting rather loosey goosey even before my recent 3-month sabbatical, so we went and changed things up a bit. But enough of all this, let's get on with why we are here right now.

More oft than not, my choice for heavenly body has been some so-called fictional planet or moon or what have you. Whether it be Tatooine or Gallifrey or even Magneto's Asteroid M, the majority have been fictional places. Well, at least I am saying these places are fictional. That's just for the Muggles in the audience. We know better though, don't we? Anyhoo, I digress.

Today, our heavenly body is the real life planet of Mars. I figure, the red planet has been in the news lately, so why not give it some lovin' here too. But do beware oh true believers, for Mars is a dangerous place. Not to sound too xenophobic, or whatever the word would be in this case, but Martians cannot be trusted. I repeat, never trust a Martian. Never. Just ask Ray Bradbury. They do not come in peace. Even if they say they come in peace, as in Mars Attacks!, do not believe them, because they do not. These are the real aliens we need to deport. Fuckin' Martian scum! Yeah, NASA now says there may be water on Mars. Well, any self-respecting Whovian knows that is not a good thing. If they start bottling Martian water, do not drink it. Or maybe some should drink it. Weed out all those aforementioned Muggles. But again, I digress.

Mars is a mighty planet. It has been the setting for more film and literature than any other planet save Earth. There is even a film out right now, about poor, not-so-hapless Matt Damon, stuck on the red planet. There have been a slew of great films set on Mars. From the silent Russian film, Aelita: Queen of Mars to Brian De Palma's oft-maligned (and wrongly so) Mission to Mars. The planet is named after the Roman God (better known as Ares to all you Greek-minded folk) and there is even a candy bar named after it. Granted, the Mars bar ain't no Milky Way, but it ain't half bad either. We also have Marvin the Martian, but that just brings us back to the no-good, untrustworthy Martian stereotype, and I wanted to veer away from that for the rest of this post. Oh hell, who I am kidding. The Martian is a bastard, and needs to be eradicated. Fuckin' Martians! Coming here and taking all ou jobs! Go back where you belong ya green-skinned bastards! Or whatever fucking colour you happen to be in whichever movie or book or TV show you are from. The truth is out there, and it says that Martians suck!

Anyhoo, that it enough of that. Matt Damon ain't so bad. What? But he's the title character in The Martian. So he's not an actual Martian? Oh. Well then, never mind. All Martians suck. Again, just ask Ray Bradbury. Well, there ya go kiddies. The first Heavenly Body of the Month (formerly known as Heavenly Body of the Week). Hope ya'll survived the experience. If an actual Martian were involved, you may not have. Next time around, we may be going boldly where...well, you know the rest.

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Aaaaaand, We're Back!: The Mighty Mighty Return of the Blog!

Wow! It seems to have been forever since last time we talked here at All Things Kevyn. Sure, I've seen a lot of you on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat and whatever other forms of social media are hanging around these days, but here at the ole blog (the old school of the social medias), it has most certainly been quite a while. But here we are, after three months of a semi-sabbatical, in order to work more thoroughly on my book (more on that a bit later), I hath returned to my beloved pop cultury (timy-wimey) blog, and the fun shall now resumeth. But what exactly does this returneth mean for you, my faithful readers and true believers? Well, lemme tell ya!

For beginners, I will not be posting quite as often as I had been back in my blogging hey day. For a while, I was averaging 20 or 21 posts per month. Then, as my aforementioned sabbatical hit, that average went down to exactly 2 posts per three months. Yeah, anyhoo, now that we are back in the ole saddle again, that average will probably be around 13 per month. Mostly, I will be posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, or at least somewhere near that schedule (maybe a Tuesday or Saturday might sneak in there instead), but then I never have done all that great with a schedule, so who knows. And, with this slight downgrading in posting proliferation, there are some regular series' that will be seen a bit less. Formerly monthly series' like The Alphabet Game and fan fave, People Who Need to Be Punched in the Face, will most likely turn to a bi-monthly appearance schedule. And that is the every other month version of bi-weekly, as opposed to the twice a month version, which is more accurately described as semi-weekly. But that's just the beginning. Let's keep talking.

With this re-scheduling thingamabob going on, the gaps will be filled in with more film and TV reviews, both of which have been lacking over the past year. Definite reviews coming will include Crimson Peak (in just two weeks time) and, of course, a bit further down the line, both the new Star Wars and Tarantino's The Hateful Eight. There will also be new TV reviews coming soon, but more on those later (can you say Mr. Robot!?). There will also be new posts on comic books (another lacking feature this past year) and other pop culture fun times. Another regular series, formerly known as Heavenly Body of the Week, will hither to be known as Heavenly Body of the Month. Yeah, but don't worry, ya'll will still get your outer space freak on. And The 11 Question Interview will also be returning sometime in late October (can you say Tabitha Soren!?). But I've rambled on enough about what things are changing 'round these parts. What about some new things?

So what the hell is coming!? Well, other than a new slew of top ten lists and what have you, my upcoming Oscar Predictions, my annual best of the year lists (cinema, television, & comic books), brand new polls, possible new La-La & Lu-Lu comic strips, and all the stuff mentioned earlier, there is a bunch of fresh new features coming to the All-New, All-Improved All Things Kevyn. Some of these fresh new features are...waitaminute...I can't let that information out right now. I've gotta keep some things for future announcements. But hey, what about my Instagramming!? Glad ya asked. Actually, there are some fun things going on over at Instagram (@kevynknox), and those who already follow my every move (and shouldn't you all??) know all about that. But, more on that in a future post. Meanwhile go on over and check things out. Anyhoo, that's it for my welcome back post. Sure, blogging may seem a bit antiquated in this world of instant gratification media, but I like it, so I'm going to keep on keepin' on at it. Glad to be back, and glad to have ya'll around...both my old guard fans, and all the newcomers jumping on my cult or personality amusement park ride.

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The Friends Zone: The 10 Best Boyfriends/Girlfriends on Friends

As simple as it sounds. I am going to countdown the ten best (or my ten faves - however you wish to look at it) significant others from the NBC situation comedy, Friends. Those guys and gals who dated Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and/or Ross. Now remember, this is just a list of those boyfriends/girlfriends of the Friends, not when the Friends dated each other. So no, Ross and Rachel, nor Monica and Chandler, count. Nor do Joey and Rachel when they dated for like two episodes. That's all a bit too incestuous for our little list here. This is a list of all the Fun Bobby's and Richard's and such. But enough of all this introductory stuff, let's get on with the show.

And awaaaaay we go...

Special Mentions: Carol & Barry

Technically, Ross's ex-wife-turned-lesbian, and Rachel's left-at-the-altar groom never dated during the run of the show. Sure, there was that one episode where Rachel and Barry hooked up in his dentist chair, and there was that one flashback episode that traveled back to before the divorce, but otherwise both of these significant others (or maybe insignificant in the case of Barry and Rachel) are past participles, and therefore are mere special mentions, at best. Anyhoo, on with the list proper...well, almost.

First, A Runner-Up: Fun Bobby

Fun Bobby is always so much fun. Well, until Monica got him to stop drinking. Then he became incredibly boring Bobby. Not so much fun then. And actually, now that I think about it, when he was first introduced, he was depressed over a death in the family. So I guess Fun Bobby wasn't really all that fun after all. But then again, Fun Bobby did only appear in two episodes (and mentioned in one other) so his dating of Monica never was all that developed. But hey, he was still better than Paul the Wine Guy and that high school kid who lied about his age.

And now, really, on with the list...

10. Bonnie

Ya gotta love bald women, right? Ross was fixed up with Bonnie by Phoebe. Rachel, who had recently broken up with Ross over an infidelity trifle (they WERE on a break!), only agreed to let Phoebe do the match-making, because of Bonnie's baldness. Of course, Bonnie is no longer bald, instead being a knock-out (as played by Christine Taylor, aka Mrs. Ben Stiller), as well as a bit of a sexual whirlwind. But not to worry, Rachel convinces her to go bald again. Still kinda hot though.

9. Charlie

Charlie was a beautiful scientist who first dated Joey, and then Ross. Charlie was played by writer, producer, actor, comic, and director Aisha Tyler. She was first introduced to Ross, who felt he didn't stand a chance, since ever serious boyfriend she had up until then, had been a Nobel Laureate. But then she starts dating Joey, who is no Nobel Laureate. Eventually Charlie comes to her senses, and breaks up with Joey, with whom she has nothing in common, and goes off with Ross. Lucky for Joey, he had recently fallen in love with Rachel, who had also, even more recently, fallen in love with him. Of course, that never worked out and Ross and Rachel...well, you know the rest.

8. Tommy

So, we already had Ben Stiller's wife on the list, so why not Ben Stiller himself, or if you prefer, Mr. Christine Taylor. Ben's performance as Tommy was a one-and-done thing. He dated Rachel for one episode, wherein Ross is bothered by his anger issues, which only seem to come out when no one else is around. Well, that is, until he goes off on Chandler & Joey's chicken and duck, and everyone finally sees his true nature. Step away from the duck.

7. Erika

Another one-and-done date, Erika, as played by Brooke Shields, at her comedic best, was an obsessed fan of Joey's, who could not distinguish Joey the actor, with Dr. Drake Romore on Days of Our Lives. This is one of my favourite episodes, as Joey is attracted to Erika (duh, she's Brooke Freakin' Shields!) but also scared of her ever-growing insanity. Eventually he convinces her that he is actually Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.

6. Paul

So, after Ross begins dating one of his students (technically ex-student), her father shows up to put his foot down. This father is none other than Bruce Willis, Shortly after this, Willis as Paul, begins dating Rachel. Oh what a tangled web we weave, and all that jazz. But hey, he's Bruce Willis. What able bodied woman is not going to want to date him. Willis, who is pretty much always cool, is extra cool as Paul. Heck, he even got an Emmy nomination for his guest role.

5. Pete

Pete was played by Jon Favreau. You know, that guy from Swingers, oh and also the director of Iron Man, and a producer on many of the Marvel movies, oh and the guy who wrote, directed, and starred in the wonderful little indie film, Chef. Anyhoo, Favreau played Pete, a billionaire who dates Monica for a bit. Then he ruins it by deciding he wants to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion, a thing he is so terrible at, that Monica can no longer stick around and watch him get beaten night after night., Seriously, he sucks at Ultimate Fighting. I mean, really sucks.

4. Richard

Well yeah, he's Tom Freakin' Selleck. How could he not be on this list? Richard, as played by the aforementioned Mr. Freakin' Selleck, was actually Monica's dad's best friend, and the family eye doctor, but when Monica took a catering job for the good doctor, things...happened. They kept it a secret from the Gellers for a bit, but eventually, the news got out. Monica and Richard also eventually went splitsville, although there was some intrigue after Monica and Chandler got together.

3. Parker

Just like Tommy and Erika above, Parker was a one episode date, but what a wonderful episode. Alec Baldwin, as is almost always the case when he is on TV (as opposed to his lackluster movie career), steals the veritable show, right out from under everyone, even his date Phoebe. Parker is the world's happiest, perkiest human being. At first this appeals to Phoebe, but after one night, she just wants to kill the guy. Poor Parker, but hey, I'm sure if anyone can, he can put a positive spin on Phoebe dumping him.

2. Janice

Oh. My. God. Sure, Janice may also have been the most annoying of all the Friends' exes, but she just kept showing up, again and again and again, even after Chandler and Monica were married. That's gotta count for something. Actually, Maggie Wheeler's Janice appeared in each of the ten seasons of the show, a feat matched only by Elliott Gould and Christina Pickles, as Monica and Ross' parents, and of course, James Michael Tyler's Gunther. All this, and the chick was batshitcraycray! Oh. My. God.

1. Mike

Perhaps Mike is number one because he was the only one who actually stuck around til the end. Maybe he's number one because he's played by Paul Rudd. Both great reasons to place Phoebe's main squeeze, and eventually (spoiler alert!) hubby, in the top spot of the Friends Zone. Oh yeah, Mike's also funny, and quippy, and a great ping pong player (though not as good as Chandler), and can play a mean air piano, so there's always that stuff too. Did I mention he is played by Paul Rudd? Yup.

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

It's Been So Long...Have U Forgotten My Face?

Okay, I rarely ever put my so-called face up on my blog, although one can catch a glimpse on my Facebook or Instagram pages, now and again, but you get the drift. I am currently on my Summer (& Early Fall) Semi-Sabbatical, so I can work more freely on my book (which is going swimmingly, thanks for asking), which means the neglecting of my blog, the one you are currently perusing, is oh so shameful right now. And perhaps even more shameful than I had originally anticipated. As my regular faithful few know, in regular times, I tend to post 3-4 times a week on here, but have taken off the Summer (and Early Fall) to concentrate on my book (called "Forgotten TV," and about lots of forgotten shows of the past), and therefore have not been seen 'round these parts much lately (still rambling on Facebook though). But hell, I did promise I would be posting 10 doo-dads between the beginning of my Semi-Sabbatical (aka, June 22, 2015), and its closure (aka, Oct. 4, 2015), and so far have only posted one damn time. One damn time! I suck, right? 

Anyhoo, I thought I would at least check in to say hi, and let ya'll know, I'm still here. I will be posting a coupla fun little lists in August (maybe even three, if I'm feeling cheeky), so keep an eye out for them. I will be hooking up links on FB, so check that out. I may even be doing a Facebook countdown beginning the first day of August, so check that out too. Meanwhile, I'm working on that book (hoping to have it finished and ready to go to a willing publisher by the end of the calendar year) and livin' life (L-I-V-I-N). The nasty old day job (God, I hated that place!) is gone, and I am free to be me once more. Working at tending bar (Bacco in downtown Harrisburg, for all those local readers) and writing, hopefully for an actual living soon. Great time to be me, I suppose. There may also be some collecting going on. Check these guys out. But hey, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am still here, and there will be a few random posts during my Semi-Sabbatical (though maybe not the ten I arrogantly promised), before I return full force in October, after my book is finished, or at least finished enough to do a final draft and get it ready for publication. Until then, keep reaching for the stars, or some other nonsense thing like that. Huzzah! That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

My 48th & The Heavenly Body of the Week: Special B-Day Edition, aka A Very Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey Gallifrey Kinda Day

So, as anyone who read the most recent post before this one (and I'll wait while you scroll down and do that) already knows, I am on a semi-sabbatical of sorts for the fifteen weeks between last week, and the beginning of October. During this time, I will be working on my book (and if you did indeed scroll down earlier, you know all about said book), and not so much on my blog. But hey, I couldn't just walk away altogether, so I will be posting ten posts during this fifteen week semi-sabbatical. Nine of these will be some sort of list or another. Either a top ten or one of my Worst to Best lists. The tenth, or actually, the first, will be this post here. A sort of celebratory birthday post combined with the always fun Heavenly Body of the Week. So let's get on with things, shall we?

Anyhoo, today is my 48th birthday. Well, if you happen to be reading this on the day it was posted, it is my 48th birthday. Otherwise, my 48th birthday was the day I posted this, which, not so incidentally, would be July 2nd, 2015. I know, it's a wibbly wobbly kinda thing. Which brings us to the Heavenly Body of the Week aspect of this ole post. You see, the iconic TV show known as Doctor Who, has been around for more than 50 years now, but it was not until earlier this year that I finally took it upon myself to watch an episode or two or three (or 44 or 57 or whatever). I always knew that I would like the show, possibly even become obsessed with the show, but for some reason or another, I never took it upon myself to watch the damn thing. Well, that has all changed now, and Doctor Who is a show I like, and possibly one with which I have become obsessed. The show has been around only a few years longer than I have, and finally I am catching up. There is still a lot more to catch up on (50 plus years!!?) but I'm working on it. Oh yeah, the Heavenly Body of the Week. In all my rambling, I almost forgot.

So, when one is talking about the planets of the Doctor Who Universe, there are a lot from which to choose. One of these has already been a Heavenly Body of the Week. That was New Earth. Today, on my 48th birthday, I give you the home world of the Time Lords. The grand planet known as Gallifrey. It is the home of The Doctor, and even though it once fell and died, it is just alright these days. Yeah, time travel gets a bit complicated. One could even say it's a wibbly wobbly, timey wimey kinda thing. Trust me, if you are in with The Doctor, that last line was pretty freakin' heee-larious. Gallifrey is a fantastic planet, and a place to be at any time. So there ya'll go. Gallifrey is The Heavenly Body of the Week. Now I have got to go work some more on my book. I mean, I don't want to waste this semi-sabbatical I got going here. I will be back here next week sometime, with a new post (#2 of the 10 aforementioned promised posts during said semi-sabbatical). It'll be a list-type post, so you should look forward to that. Anyhoo, that's it for now gang. See ya 'round the web.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Welcome to the All-New, All-Different (Sorta) Hello, I Must Be Going / Semi-Sabbatical Post: Summer & Early Fall Edition

It was the 1930 film, Animal Crackers, where the great Groucho Marx sang the song, "Hello, I Must Be Going." It went a little like this: "Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going." With that being said, I must now take this song as my own, and bid all my blogging fans, my faithful readers and true believers, a fond and tearful farewell. Okay okay, stop your weeping. I'm not really going away. Well, I am...sorta. But not for long, and not completely. Please allow me to explain further.

You see, as many of you may already know, I am currently at work on a book. That's right, a book! It's title is "Forgotten TV: 101 TV Shows You've Probably Never Heard Of." Please pardon the prepository ending of the subtitle. I may fix that in post production. Anyhoo, I am writing this book on TV shows that have been forgotten throughout time, some wrongfully forgotten, others rightfully so (check out an earlier post about this book), and I plan on having it done and ready to go by the beginning of October, at the latest. After that, with a hopeful publication date of early 2016. If anyone will publish the damn thing that is. But those are worries for after I finish writing the book. For now, I need to focus most of my so-called creative energy (all 'dem flowin' juices) on finally finishing said book. And in doing that, I must take a semi-sabbatical from All Things Kevyn. But only a semi-sabbatical, not a full blown walk-away. So, for the next fifteen weeks, aka the Summer and early Fall, I will be working a lot on my book, and very little on this blog. I know, it's sad. You won't have your All Things Kevyn fix 3 or 4 times a week like you are used to. Instead, over the next fifteen week semi-sabbatical, you will only get that fix ten times. That's right, just ten posts over the next fifteen weeks, not counting this one. Now do not worry, these will be ten fun posts. It's quality, not quantity, and all that jazz. Mostly, other than a birthday post next week, these will be top ten lists or something of that ilk. So, ya got that going for ya.

Anyhoo, please allow me to bid you all a (slight) farewell, and say, hello, I must be going...for now. Like I said, I will be seeing you ten times over the next fifteen weeks. And you can still check me out on Facebook and Twitter, and all those outlets. Come October, when I am finally finished with the aforementioned book-a-roonie, I will get back to a regular blogging schedule of 3 to 4 posts per week. All the old regulars will be back. The Alphabet Game. The 11 Question Interview. People Who Need To Be Punched in the Face. The Heavenly Body of the Week. Film & TV reviews galore. All the fun stuff. Until then, take it easy, enjoy my ten Summer/Early Fall posts, and check me out on Facebook and Twitter. Oh, and put aside a few bucks to buy my new book when it comes out. Ya know ya wanna. That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Heavenly Body of the Week: Gobotron

The Go-Bots have often been thought of as second-rate Transformers. This is mainly due to the grand success of the Transformers, and the rather utter fail that was the Go-Bots. The Go-Bots were transforming robot toys that got their own cartoon. Although the two franchises viciously competed for revenue between 1984 and 1987, the Transformers rocketed out of this world (so to speak) in the late 1980's, and by 1991, Habro, the Transformers' owners, had bought the rights to the Go-Bots (or GoBots, if you will), and the toy war was essentially over.

I don't know if the Go-Bots get a bad rap or not. Both toys and cartoons are pretty dumb in my eyes, but others seem to like 'em, so there must be something there. Actually, what many people may not realize (or even care about) is that the Go-Bots actually came first. Granted, just by a few months, but they did debut in late 1983, while The Transformers did not arrive until early 1984. Either way, I never really got into these guys, being that I was 16 at the time, and too busy with more adult-oriented things. You know, like The X-Men and Dungeons & Dragons. Anyhoo, to get onto the real reason we are all gathered here today - the Heavenly Body of the Week.

After a six week period of just two Heavenly Bodies of the Week (what kind of math is that!?), we seem to be back on track with back-to-back editions. So with that said, here we are at week #76 (not counting the aforementioned missing weeks) and the planet known as Gobotron. Waaay back in week #30 (a little less than a year ago), we celebrated the planet of Cybertron, homeworld of those damn Transformers. Now we give a big ole shout out to the homeworld of the Go-Bots. I suppose if I was forced to choose sides in the whole Transformers/Go-Bots war, my allegiances would lean toward the Go-Bots. Go Go Go-Bots, or whatever one says in these situations.

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.