Monday, May 11, 2015

All Things Kevyn Proudly & Defiantly Presents the All Things Kevyn Phonetic Alphabet 2.0 (a Replacement for the Tired NATO Version)

So, everyone knows about the tired old NATO Phonetic Alphabet, right? You know the one. It goes Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, yada yada yada. Yeah, that one. They made it back in the 1950's, in order to unify all the world's code speakers into a catch-all of sorts. My name would be spelled Kilo Echo Victor Yankee November. Kinda cool, huh? Anyhoo, the damn thing has been around for sixty some years now, and is getting a little boring. So, I went and did the only reasonable thing. I created my own version of the alphabet. A Phonetic 2.0, if you will. So far I have not heard back from NATO (or any other official source) as to when they are going to adopt my new version. I'm sure I will hear back soon, though. Oh, and before I publicly unveil my all-new, all-better phonetic alphabet, to the right is the original version for comparison.

And so, without further ado, here is the official All Things Kevyn Phonetic Alphabet 2.0.

A - ATTA BOY
We should probably start out with a rather positive, even affirmative, first letter. You know, to get everything started on the right note. Yeah, atta boy (or girl).

B - BUMBERSHOOT
Sure, anyone can use an umbrella, but it's much cooler if you use a bumbershoot instead.

C - COOKIE
In the words of Cookie Monster, "Me want cookie!" Yeah, I like cookies, what's it to ya!?

D - DOODLEBUG
Anyone who knows me personally, or even anyone who is a regular reader here, knows damn well that my pet name for the little missus is Doodlebug. 'nuff said.

E - EGRET
 Be it a snowy one or a Chinese one or an Eastern Reef one, or even an Intermediate one, the Egret is the greatest of the looney birds.

F - FOGHORN
Boy, I say, Boy! Yes, the coolest rooster this side of Cock-a-Doodle-Doo made the cut.

G - GALLIFREY
The home world of the Time Lords and everybody's favourite Doctor. And bow ties are cool.

H - HORRORSHOW
Yeah, this is a reference to both A Clockwork Orange and Rocky Horror. So there!

I - IFFY
As in, it's probably pretty iffy that NATO (or whoever is in charge of such things) is going to actually accept and use the new and improved 2.0 Alphabet. The bastards!

J - JERK (or JERKY)
With J, you can go mean or yummy. Player's choice.

K - KEVYN
Come on! Look at the name of the blog. Like I could do this without throwing my name into the ring.

L - LEGHORN
Boy, I say, Boy! Yes, the rooster has a last name too.

M - MULVA
Here's a little shout out to all the fine folks over at Seinfeld. If you get it, you're aces in my book.

N - NANU NANU
This one goes out to the late great Robin Williams. If you do not know the connection, then shame on you.

O - OKEY DOKEY
The term A-OK should have always been A-Okey Dokey. 'nuff said.

P - PEZ
What some peeps may not know about me (and I am sure all my faithful readers know) is that I collect Pez dispensers. The collection currently stands at 2,505 dispensers.

Q - QUETZALCOATL
Okay, so who said all the words had to be easy words to say. Okay, maybe that would be the smarter way to go, but dammit, I don't care!

R - RAGNAROK
 And this one's for all my Norsemen and Viking homies.

S - SMILEY-FACE
 How could a smiley-face not make a person...um, well...smile? Plus there's the existence of the great comic book series, Smiley-Face Land Adventures. Yeah, you should really check that out.

T - TUVALU
The original list had India on it, so I thought the 2.0 version needed a country as well, so why not the tiniest little island on the edge of Polynesia?

U - UVULA
At first it sounds kinda dirty, until you realize it's just that dangly thing in the back of your throat.

V - VROOM VROOM
I firmly believe in the power of the onomatopoeia. Vroom Vroom, indeed.

W - WOOKIEE
I saw Star Wars upon its initial release back in '77. I was ten and I was hooked. So yeah, I had to include someone or something from the Star Wars Universe, and who better than a Wookiee?

X - XAVIER
I could have gone with the X-Men themselves, but decided their founder would be more appropriate.

Y - YETI
I didn't go with Bigfoot for B, nor Sasquatch for S, so here we are at Yeti for Y.

Z - ZOOEY
And last, but certainly not least, the name of the coolest cat (aka, feline) you will ever know. My pet cat, Zooey. The Zoo-Meister. Zoo-Dog. Hong Kong Zooey. Zoo-Dingo! Zoo-Man-du!! Oh, and J.D. Salinger used the name too, but we don't want to get sued, so forget I even mentioned that part.

And check it out, now my name is spelled Kevyn Egret Vroom Vroom Yeti Nanu Nanu. Pretty coolio, huh?

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web. Now, here are some pop art pineapples, just because.


3 comments:

  1. Oh, so that's why you spell Kevyn with a 'Y'...so you can call yourself a Yankee! ;-P

    Awesome pop art pineapples, btw.

    Cookie Horrorshow Ragnarok Iffy Smiley-Face ... signing off. over and out.

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  2. I thought you might choose Delores for D:) No Yoda for Y? I was 13 when I saw Star Wars in 77 in the theatre so we both saw the original film at the cinemas. Sp this is me-

    Bumbershoot-Iffy, Ragnarok-Gallifrey-Iffy-Tuvalu

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  3. Tuvalu Horrorshow Atta Boy Nanu Nanu Xavier!

    ReplyDelete