Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Alphabet Game: The Star Trek/Star Wars Get-A-Long Edition
Hello, and welcome to the latest edition of The Alphabet Game, wherein I take a look at 26 different things in one common category, all done, of course, alphabetically. This also happens to be S-Day in the A to Z Challenge (click on the big S to find out the rules of the challenge) so that brings us to this special Star Trek/Star Wars Get-A-Long edition of the ole Alphabet Game. As you will see below, the much bally-hoo'd battle between fans of Star Trek and fans of Star Wars, is all for null. Neither side is right and neither side is wrong. Why can't we all just get along? And yes, I do realize I am doing an A to Z post inside another A to Z post.

A is for Andorian - The Star Trek Universe has a seemingly infinite array of alien races, but the bluest of 'em all (and the one that fits into the A spot the best) are the Andorians. These azure-fleshed, antennae-wielding aliens may be troublesome at times (not Romulan troublesome, but more Tribble kinda trouble), but overall, they are good and loyal allies. Hey, and they start with the letter A, so here they are.

B is for Bantha - The Bantha is a magnificent creature that is native to the planet of  Tatooine. Very yakky/woolly mammoth-esque in appearance, the Bantha was portrayed by a costumed elephant named Mardji, in the original film. Mardji also gained fame for a Skippy Peanut Butter ad she did at the time.

C is for The City on the Edge of Forever - This first season episode is often cited as the best episode of the entire original series. I may (almost) concur. In the episode, Dr. McCoy, mad with a self-inflicted shot of cordrazine, leaps through a time portal, and accidentally alters history. Of course, Kirk and Spock must go back in time as well, to fix what needs fixin'. While back in New York City of the 1930's, Kirk, being Kirk, hits it off with Edith Keeler, played by Joan Collins. This is where things get a bit complicated. But no spoilers, just in case there is someone on planet Earth who has not yet seen this episode.

D is for Death Star - That's no moon. Ya know my biggest problem with the Death Star? No, not that it was built solely for destroying everything around it. That was kinda the Empire's way. It was there thing. No, my biggest problem is that they went and created this massive machine of doom and destruction, and left a tiny hole where it could be destroyed. Really? The contractors never noticed this? A tiny little hole, that could have easily had something put over it. hell, I can find ya some scrap metal if you need it. What the hell!?

E is for The Enterprise - My wife told me a story of when she first saw Star Wars, or at least almost saw it. Her and her ex sat down to watch it, and when the star destroyer shows up in that opening scene, she turned to him and asked, "Is that the Enterprise?" He immediately turned it off and said if she wasn't going to take it seriously, then why bother. Now, I don't tend to agree with ex boyfriends and all, but in this case... Anyhoo, as everyone else surely knows, The USS Enterprise is Captain James T. Kirk's ship. Yeah, others have commanded it, but it is Kirk's ship. Sorry Jean-Luc.

F is for The Fett Family - Those damn Fett boys. First we meet Boba Fett, who encases Han Solo in carbonite and hauls him off to Jabba, to collect his bounty. The filthy bastard! I'm glad he got sucked into that Sarlac Pit. Wait, what? He's still alive? Seriously? When did that happen? Oh, for the new movies. Gotchya. Anyhoo, then we have Jango Fett, Boba's dad. He was in those films of which we do not speak, so I'll shut up now.

G is for the (Scary) Gorn - The first episode of Star Trek I ever remember seeing was the first season episode titled, "Arena." As the show went off the air before I turned two, this would have been in syndication sometime in the mid 1970's. I would have been around 8 or 9, at the time. the episode featured the Gorn battling Kirk on Cestus III. Looking back now, the Gorn probably doesn't seem all that scary to viewers, but when I was 8 or 9, that guy was all kinds of scary.

H is for Han Shot First! - Don't get me started on how George Lucas nearly ruined his own creation by constantly changing things in his movies. Sure, go ahead and digitally add a few more Tauntauns, or give extra drool to the Rancor, but when you make Greedo shoot first, so Han doesn't seem like a killer, then you've gone too fucking far. Too fucking far. Han shot first and killed the bounty hunter who was going to kill him. That's called survival. End of story.

I is for Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Yeah, that's right, I'm invoking the long forgotten Roman numeral clause, and saying that Star Trek I, is a valid entry for the letter I. So there! And, please allow me to make even more controversy by stating that I think Star Trek: The Motion Picture, or Star Trek I, if you will, is one of the better members of the franchise. That's right, I like Star Trek I. So there (again)!

J is for Jedi Knight - Somewhat based on Taoism (The Way = The Force), the Jedi religion is actually the fastest growing religion in the world. That's right! Light sabers and the Force beat out crosses and discrimination, any day. May the Force Be With You.

K is for Kirk, James Tiberius Kirk - The man, the legend, the oh Captain, My Captain. The iconic character played by the equally iconic Mr. William Shatner, will always have a spot in my heart of hearts. Sure, Jean-Luc Picard came around and did a great job as captain of the USS Enterprise, but I don't care who says what, the man ain't no James Tiberius Kirk, space rogue and the greatest Captain in Starfleet history.

L is for Lando - Let's face it, Billy-Dee Williams is already one of the coolest mofo's out there. Now, go ahead and cast him as Han Solo's even more rakish old pal, complete with suave-as-fuck blue cape, and you got yourself the coolest cat in the galaxy, man. Now, I know you are thirsty for a cold delicious Colt .45 right about now. Go ahead, you can admit it.

M is for Mirror, Mirror - So, if The City on the Edge of Forever is the best Star Trek episode, then Mirror, Mirror, cannot be far behind. Ya get an evil Enterprise crew from an parallel universe, complete with a goatee'd Spock (that's how you can tell he's the villain), and a swashbuckling bad-ass Sulu. How can that not be freakin' fantastic!?

N is for Nerf Herders - Ya gotta love those scruffy looking nerf hearders. We all know Leia does, whether she was ready to admit it at first, or not.

O is for Security Chief Odo - Played with a restrained vim and vigor by Rene Auberjonois, this shape shifting security chief of Deep Space Nine has always been one of my favourite on the post Next Gen Star Trek characters, and luckily his name begins with an O, so here he is.

P is for Princess Leia - Every guy from my generation has had some private moments alone with thoughts of Princess Leia. Be it in her white gown from the first film, her tight Hoth parka and/or formal wear on Bespin, or especially, in that slave outfit on Jabba's skiff, every guy around my age, has had his private thoughts on Princess Leia. Oh yeah.

Q is for the Borg Queen - Yeah, this nasty bitch of a queen is the most vile queen since that Alien bitch that tried to eat Sigourney Weaver. Wait, was she even a queen? Anyhoo, this Queen of the Borg was technically just one of the Borg Collective, but the ruthless bitch still held her own unique personality of sorts. And she's really scary too.

R is for R2-D2 (of course) - Sure, Han and Luke, Leia and Ben, Chewie and Lando, even little Wicket the Ewok, have had their heroic moments, but it is R2-D2 who really saves the day again and again. A lot of his heroics are kinda behind the scenes, maybe in the back of an X-Wing, but hero he damn well is!

S is for Spock Rules! - Let's face it, Spock rules. Nothing else need be said. Okay, I'll say a few other things. Mr. Spock, Science Officer and second-in-command of the Starship Enterprise, as played by the late great Mr. Leonard Nimoy is possibly the single greatest character in science fiction history. And he is sexy too, especially when he plays that harp thingee. Now, there is nothing more to be said. Live long and prosper.

T is for These are not the Droids you are looking for - Jedi mind tricks are always fun. Yeah, they're kind of easy peazy when you do them on the rather small-brained Imperial stormtroopers, but hey, when ya gotta hide some droids, ya do what ya need to do.

U is for Uhura! - Nichelle Nichols' iconic Lt. Uhura, was a ground breaking force in television. She was one of the first African American stars on TV, who wasn't a stereotype. Yeah, they still basically made her the one who answers the space phone, but just her presence on the bridge was groundbreaking. And she and Shatner had the first ever primetime interracial kiss, even though the censors made the show make it a forced kiss. At one point, Nichols had wanted to quit the show, but Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. convinced her to stick around. Yup, that's how important her character was.

V is for Lord Vader - How can we have any list about Star Wars, even one that share's its space and time with Star Trek, and not have Darth Vader somewhere on there. So here ya go: Darth Vader, Sith Lord Extraordinaire. Now shut up. I included the guy. Let's move on...

W is for the Wesley Crushers - Technically, this reference is from The Big Bang Theory. It is from an episode where Sheldon is bowling against his arch-nemesis, Wil Wheaton, and in trying to intimidate his opponent, makes bowling team shirts that read The Wesley Crushers. Wil Wheaton doesn't take this in the manner Sheldon does (crushing Wesley Crusher), but instead takes it as a loving embrace of his character. Oh, and if you still do not know what this entry has to do with Star Trek...well then, you need to go home and think about what you've done.

X is for X-Wing Fighter - Last year, during the A to Z Challenge, I did a list called "My 10 Favourite X Things," (obviously on X-Day), and one of those X things was, of course, the wickedly coolio X-Wing Fighters. Yeah, how could a spaceship shaped like an X, not be coolio and a half? A Y-Wing Fighter? Forget that nonsense! As a kid, I proudly flew my X-Wing Fighter all around my bedroom.

Y is for Yar! - Not much surprises me, but (spoiler alert!) when Security Chief Tasha Yar was shot and killed at the end of season one of Star Trek: The Next Generation, I was visibly shocked as all get out. How dare they kill Yar, and do it that abruptly and matter-of-factly! Bastards! 

Z is for Zuckuss, Yeah, Zuckuss - Z was kind of a tough one on this list, but I eventually came up with Zuckuss. Yeah, that's right, Zuckuss. For those not in the so-called know, Zuckuss is a bounty hunter who decided to join the rebellion. Yeah, he still charged for his services, but he was charging the correct people at least. So there ya go, Zuckuss for the win!

See, we can co-exist, if we want. That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.


  1. Ob wow and A to Z within an A to Z! I thought you would go with the kick ass Yoda for Y. Poor Tash Yar gets blottoed by a tar monster. Uhura was always one of my favs and I always wanted eyes like hers. I think George Lucas needs to stay away from any controls. Han Solo killed the guy pure and simple. Don't mess with things when it's already great

    1. Yup. I'm very meta. A to Z inside and A to Z. I was trying to be fair, and alternating between Trek and Wars (which is why Yoda could not fit - it was Star Trek's turn at Y).