Wednesday, February 11, 2015

On Mid-Level Celebrity: Donald Glover, Chris Hardwick, & Me

At the end of Kevin Smith's 1995 sophomore film, Mallrats (a highly underrated work, btw) the character of Brodie (based partly on, maybe) is asked if he ever imagined having his own talk show. His reply was a quickly spewed "Yes." There was a time, back in what some would call, "the day," when I thought I wanted to be a big Hollywood star. An Oscar winning director, writer, actor, producer. Something akin to George Clooney or Brad Pitt or Quentin Tarantino - or whomever would have been their equivalent back in that aforementioned "day." In more recent days, realizing this opportunity had probably already passed me by, I find myself in a more grounded, yet still reaching for the stars, kind of mindset. You see, I no longer feel the need to be the biggest of the biggest. That train has long since passed. Nowadays, I desire a more reasonable kind of celebrity. I am no longer Johnny Depp determined. These days I am more settled into becoming the kind of celebrity that is not a household name, but still one that is known and loved in many a household. Just not all of 'em. As the title of this piece more than suggests, I now aim for that mid-level celebrity of someone like Donald Glover and/or Chris Hardwick. And sorry guys (if you happen to be reading these words) but I mean no harm or offense by listing you as mid-level celebrities. It's a compliment...of sorts. But hey, I admire you both (notice how I keep going as if Donald and/or Chris are still reading this, or have been at all) and that should be obvious thanx to my desire to be one of you. But I digress.

So, what I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted by the dirty looks of my (possibly imaginary) friends Donald Glover and Chris Hardwick (one could toss the likes of Wil Wheaton, Kate Micucci, and Patton Oswalt in there as well) is that I no longer want the constant presence of the paparazzi. I still want celebrity status, but I also want to be able to go to the store without being mobbed by my adoring fans. Yeah, I still want the fans, and I still want them to adore me, but on my terms. Perhaps if I show up at Comic Con or do a panel at Paleyfest, these adoring throngs can chant my name (or at least ask me to sign their cast or whatever). But how oh how do I accomplish such a feat, you may ask? Damn good question. The answer is simple - even at my "advanced" age (I'm 16 years older than Glover, but just 4 years older than Hardwick). I just have to get my blog to go viral and all that jazz. Get my book (hopefully finished and out there by year's end!) to grab people's attention. Do a rap album with Donald Glover. Have a guest spot on Hardwick's Talking Dead or @midnight. Eventually grabbing up my own shows on Comedy Central or SyFy or wherever (Geek Trivia, where I host a nerdy game show, and The Cool Guy Lounge, wherein I hang with four other equally famous celebs and talk movies and TV and comic books and whatevs). See, easy peazy, lemon squeezy! I don't need the fame and fortune that comes with being Brad Pitt, But would like the semi-fame and minor fortune that comes with being Chris Hardwick and/or Donald Glover. Of course, Glover could be on the verge of the Brad Pitt thing, what with him being in the new Ridley Scott Martian movie, and/or possibly being the new Spider-Man (if the internets has their ways), so his life as desirable outcome may be a bit out of range. But hey, I still have my fellow nerdboy Hardwick, to aspire to. Although the guy never returns my calls.

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. The nation's foremost Pop Culturist (that's right, bitches!), just waiting for his big (medium) break. Now if only my blog or upcoming book would get me noticed by the few (no need for the many - too much stress anyway) then we can be on our way to that desired mid-level celebrity status. And yes, I will take all my faithful readers and true believers along with me. That's it gang (for now!). See ya 'round the web. And yes, the above names for my shows (Geek Trivia and The Cool Guy Lounge) are copyrighted Me! One final thang before I go. Donald Glover's rapping alter ego, Childish Gambino, was created by putting his name into a Wu Tang name generator. I figured, what's good for then goose and all, I would try the same experiment. So henceforth, my rap alter ego name will be Arrogant Magician. I could also go with Lesbian Pimp (I tried two different Wu Tang name generators). I haven't decided yet. Anyhoo, I suppose I gotta get goin' as I need to get that rap album goin'. Time, tide, and trolley wait for no man. That's (really) it gang. See ya 'round the web. Ah, to be somewhat famous. An almost big deal.

PS - Donald & Chris, I love ya both. No hard feelings for the "mid-level" label?


  1. Average is good-steady work and usually a long time working. Character parts are always wonderful and you still get paid well-not gazillions but enough to enjoy life well. I agree with your thinking:)

  2. I hope when this happens, you think of me as a possible guest star in the Cool Guy Lounge. I can be as a cool a "guy" as anyone.

  3. There's definitely some advantages to being 'semi-famous'... I used to dream of being the next Tarantino myself...but It would be even better to be a successful artist without A-list celeb status. Like an author (or blogger). The fame is still there, but nobody on the street would recognize you -- unless you're Stephen King level famous.

    p.s. I've never even heard of Donald Glover... is he related to Danny Glover?

    1. Almost famous it is!

      Oh, and Donald Glover is an actor/writer/singer/artist/etc. He got his sart as a writer on 30 Rock, before joining the cast of Community, and eventually a hip hop artist...and maybe the next Spider-Man.