Wednesday, January 7, 2015

People Who Need To Be Punched in the Face - 5th Edition

Here we go again kids!! Woot woot!! It's finally here! Punch a Hipster in the Face day!! Yeah, baby!! Oh wait a sec, that's not today. That's everyday! But the reason we are here today is pretty darn close. It looks like we are back with the fifth installment of People Who Need To Be Punched in the Face. The first four editions have actually been quite popular 'round these parts. In fact this may just be my most popular regular series here at All Things Kevyn, which is kinda hilarious, since I really put no real work into the thing. There's no pretty prose or wordplay or anything that could or would ever constitute great writing, or even just plain writing. hell, it's just a list, but hey, people seem to enjoy the thing, and some of the people whom enjoy it, have actually been on the list themselves. Now that is devotion to the cause, baby! But enough of all that. Let's get on with the punching. That is really why we are here today.

Charles Barkley
Darren Stephens
Twins who do NOT have a secret language
The Wocket NOT in my pocket
Doctors WITH Borders
Reggie Mantle
Tarantino Haters
Movie theatre talkers
People with those bumper stickers where the kid pisses on something
Peter Quill (hey, we're gonna need that guy's leg)
Quigley Down Under
 Drive Time DJs
Billy Joel
Billy Joel fans
Billy Joel (again)
Johnny Paycheck
Those who believe Oswald acted alone
Those who believe more in a certain book than in science
The Texas School Board
 Dodge Dart drivers
Pauly Shore
Lena Dunham
Bags of Douche
The Great Cornholio
People who prefer their hot chocolate sans marshmallows
 Matt Houston
Bill W. (damn quitter!)
People who insist we say Happy Holidays
People who insist we say Merry Christmas
The descendants of Helen Twelvetrees
Woodsy the Owl
Gene Simmons
Vlad the Impaler
People who abandon pets
Peeta Mellark
Father Gabriel Stokes
Lebron James
Harry Chapin
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Don Henley
All the bosses!
Bakers of inadequate pies
The Wahlburgers
Jim Bob Walton
The Christian at work
Bennie AND the Jets
The Steelers (Ha! Ha!)
Tony Stark
Folks with ironic facial hair
Pete Campbell
Stuart from Spin City
Cocky elves
Parker Lewis (he can lose)
Chachi Arcola
Cate Novak (Ha!)
Roc Upchurch
Dan Marino
The Vicar
Bob, your uncle
Prince John
Fred Flintstone
J. Jonah Jameson
Fred O'Bannion
Nancy Kerrigan
Thin Lizzy
The Elf on the Shelf
Dog Haters
Spike Lee
Green Beans (if they had faces)
 Albert Boscov
That guy from that place
Paul Bonner
Dave Franco
Chad Kroeger
Ted Hughes
People who say "It is what it is"
Samuel J. Butcher (creator of Precious Moments)
Flack Givers
Players who be playin'
That cheerleader who kills wild game
Teams Edward and/or Jacob members
Colonel Flagg
Men named Roland
At least 56% of the 114th United States Congress
Kourtney, Kim, & Khloe
People who think Weebles can't fall down
Decaf coffee drinkers
Reverse Flash
Bill Cosby Defenders
Butterhead Jones
Jukebox Johnny
Metta World Peace
All the Dominant Male Monkey Motherfuckers
 People who think their job is more important than it really is
That Senator who wants women to get permission of their rapist before getting an abortion
Pretty much any and all right wing nuts
The Ghost of McLean Stevenson
Vladimir Putin
Lena Dunham
Larry the Cable Guy
Any of those Duck Dynasty Douche-bags
Dennis, sitting next to me (and really hard too)
People who don't see the VW Beetle before their friend
(and yes, I drive a VW Beetle, and love seeing folks getting punched because of me)

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.

1 comment:

  1. Which Darren Stevens-I hope you mean the 2nd one and Abner Kravitz(spelling??) should be on that list for not believing his wife. My brother drove a Dodge Dart once, does that mean i can punch him? Oh please add Thai people since my friend is living there right now and they do not care for their dogs or cats and many get killed on the very busy streets not to mention the mange, fleas and general lack of care to the animals