Friday, September 5, 2014

People Who Need To Be Punched In The Face - Vol. 1

Not that I am advocating violence or anything like that (well, okay, I guess I kind of am) but there are just some people in this world who need to be punched in the face. Simple as that. It doesn't have to be me that punches them. There are women on this list, and I would not hit a woman, but if any other woman wishes to step up and do the punching, I am more than alright with that. As for the men on the list, I can always take care of that myself, but really, the invitation is open to anyone, so punch away. As for all you mamby-pamby pacifists, or those of you who think we should try to love everyone...well, you're probably on this list too. So there. Now here, in no particular order, are the people I believe should be punched in the face. And as you can surely tell from the title of this post, this list is so long, and ever-growing, so more volumes are sure to come. Now get to punching. Oh, and as a disclaimer, if any of the people on the following list do get punched in the face, I take no responsibility. I mean really people, take responsibility for your own actions. Don't blame me because you are too weak willed to think for yourself. I only told you these people need to be punched in the face. You are the ones who went out and actually punched them in the face. So yeah, don't blame this guy. Disclaimer over, now on with the punching show.

People Who Need To Be Punched in the Face
(in no particular order)

Tim Gunn
Wolf Blitzer
Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas
will i. am of the Black Eyed Peas
The rest of the Black Eyed Peas
Ann Coulter (obviously)
People who call apes, monkeys
Larry the Cable Guy
People who think Larry the Cable Guy is funny
 Joe the Plumber (remember him?)
Kevin Sorbo
Henry Rollins
Lori from The Walking Dead
Adam Levine
Tom Brady
People who say irregardless
Cee Lo Green
Kanye West & Kim Kardashian (aka, Kimye)
Anyone who calls them Kimye
The person who came up with the term, Appeteasers
Alex Rodriguez
Fans of Maroon 5
Rufus Dangerman
 Toby Keith
Robin Thicke
Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham
Jeff Dunham's ventriloquist dummies
Pretty much anyone who is into ventriloquism
Joel Osteen
Paul Ryan
Every member of the Tea Party
Anyone who hates The Princess Bride
Elisabeth Hasselback
The inventor of salt & vinegar potato chips
The Honey Badger
John Updike
Meg Griffen
Kirk Cameron
Victoria Jackson
Michelle Bachman (a no-brainer, indeed)
Larry Fortensky
Bob McKenzie, but not Doug
Dennis Rodman
Eddie Van Halen
50 Cent
Those Duck Dynasty douche-bags
Lena Dunham
Gene Simmons
People who wear flip-flops outside of the beach, pool, or locker room
Dustin Pedroia
Taylor Swift
Stand Your Ground supporters
Stephen Baldwin
Skeet Ulrich
Suze Orman
The tourist guy in those old Hawaiian Punch ads (see pic above)
The Baha Men
Marcia Brady
Bradley Cooper
Leif Garrett
The Houston Astros
Woodward, but not Bernstein
People who use the terms man cave, bromance, or manscape
Andy Dick
Baseball umpire, Jim Joyce
Chick-fil-A CEO, Dan T. Cathy
Fannie Flagg
Film "director" McG
Paula Poundstone
Arthur Spooner
Michael Vick
Guy Fieri
Mark Vedder
Meeno Peluce
People who invite me to play Farmville
Ayn Rand fans
Chriss Angel
The Zoom Kids
Ted Mosby
People who say literally when they mean figuratively
Coldplay and/or Train
Mary Lou Retton
Perez Hilton
Nicki Minaj
Sarah Palin (of course)
People who do not tip, or those who tip cheaply
My old boss (he knows who he is)
Kate Gosselin
Al B. Sure
Fans of Reo Speedwagon
Lena Dunham
 Richard Elfman
Cathy Guisewite
Michael Scott
Shawn Mutchler (added at Shawn's request)
Larry from Three's Company
The Crash Test Dummies
The Pennsylvania Bar Association
Parents who allow their children to act like animals in a restaurant
Those aforementioned mamby-pamby pacifists
People who do not like Marty Esworthy
Marty Esworthy
That goody-two-shoes Superman
People who make lists of people they want to punch in the face
Lena Dunham

That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.


  1. Love your list-Fannie Flagg-hahahaaaa! I forgot about that old commercial too. You left a few out-the normal ones-Justine Bieber, Lindsay lohan and parents, Brittany Spears, Any Baldwin brother and Rex Reed whom I wanted to smack ever since I was a kid and he was on the Gong Show

  2. What a brilliant list. I could probably think of a few others but you nailed a lot on the head. I would also add...

    Bil Keane, the creator of 'Family Circus'.

    Not only has he given us one o the worst bits of "comic" I have ever seen, but the dude has the nerve to spell Bill with only one L. La Douche.

  3. Thanx guys. I did leave off some of the more obvious choices (La Beiber etc) but since this is merely volume one, many more will be coming.

    As for Bil Keane, I've never been much of a fan, until I found out that Bill Griffith (Zippy the Pinhead) and he had done a few crossover strips. One of them has Jeffy or Billy (who knows which) dreaming of Zippy. So, if you think about it, and twist your mind around (and stand on one leg, squinting) Family Circus could be seen as rather subversive. Not buying it? Oh well.

    Thanx again for the kudos. See ya 'round the web.

  4. Love the Batman/Superman illo. I have it on my blog's sidebar. Great list. I may take issue with a few, but overall...

  5. As a true feminist, I take great offense to the antics of Lena Dunham, a girl who thinks she's a thinking, breathing woman of the world. Instead she takes feminism back several decades with her hipster attitudes. Then again, I think all men are pigs as well, and use them for sex anyway, so who am I to kvetch? Well, all men except for you, of course. Sorta.

  6. Great list-except there's nothing wrong with Maroon 5, Coldplay or salt and vinegar crisps. I would add Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins to your list, as well as people who put apostrophes in plural words.

  7. I just find Coldplay rather annoying, and Maroon-5 rather mediocre. AS for the Salt & Vins, my wife loves them, and I think she buys them just because she knows I won't eat them. Ha! Yeah, and the improper use of apostrophe's always bothers me. See what I did there? Yup.

    Thanx for stopping by. See ya 'round the web.