That's right kids. Don't tell your parents. It'll be our little secret. Actually, we're not here to discuss that F-word, but we are here to discuss some of the best F-words around. Some of the funnest F-words. My favourite F-words. Whether that F-word (you know which one I'm talkin' 'bout) will even show up or not, is still up for debate at this point. Sure, you can skip ahead and scroll down if you so wish, but why ruin the surprise, or lack of surprise, if you will. What we are here to do today, is to look at fifteen (yeah, that's right, not ten this time, but fifteen) of the funkiest and funnest F-words. There are lots of great F-words that alas, did not make the list (Frappuccino, Frankensteinian, Flummox, Falafel, Fusilli (as in Fusilli Jerry), Fearmonger, Frazzled, Frizzy, Fizzy, Fuzzy, and Funkadelic, to name just a few - and let us not forget the bizarreness of someone from the P-word Philippines being called an F-word Filipino) but there are fifteen (another F-word!!) that do make the list. Some of these are nouns, some are verbs, some may even be adjectives. There might even be a proper noun and/or name in there somewhere (there will be). And who knows if a certain F-word will make an appearance. So, without further ado, let's get on with our fabulous and fantastic countdown.
And awaaaaaaaaay we go...
Everybody loves fishsticks, right? Of course they do. I don't give a flying f...um, a flying fig, what all those oh so health conscious mamby-pambies say about how bad fishsticks are for you or your whatever. I mean, c'mon man! How can a breaded, deep-fried frozen fishstick be bad for anybody? Crazy, if ya ask me. Just crazy talk. In fact, fishsticks may very well be one of the greatest foods to ever be sold where, um... where food is sold? Did any of this convince you to heat up some fishsticks? I sure hope so, because it just so happens to be one of my favourite and funnest... oh nevermind. Let's move onto number fourteen.
Now how's that for an F-word!? This fun word originated waaaay back in the Middle Ages, and was meant to describe a flighty or overly chatty woman. It was also used by some guy named, um... Shakespeare, I think it was, in his play King Lear. In more recent times it was used by the Mother Superior to describe Maria, after she found that the hills were indeed alive with something or other. In even more recent times, Meg Ryan (back when she was still cute as a button) used the word to describe herself in the highly underrated, and overly-maligned, modern comedy classic, Joe vs. the Volcano. How many flibbertigibbits do you know?
Who doesn't remember this wondrous invention? That's right kids, just suck the hair off of your head. Sounds perfectly safe and pain-free to me. First sold out of inventor Rick E. Hunt's garage, until it was patented and began to sell on informercials in 1988, and can still be found via the As Sen on TV store and website, the Flowbee is basically a vacuum attachment that cuts your hair. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the haircut one would get from a Flowbee, probably isn't the most stylish of haircuts. Wonder if it can cut your hair into a fauxhawk? And yes, that is foreshadowing for another F-word on the list.
Merriam-Webster defines it as 'foul with impurities.' Meanwhile, the Oxford Dictionary says it means 'of or containing dirt, sediment, or waste matter.' Modern usage usually just means to look or smell bad. Any way ya look at it, this is one filthy word. Filthier than that other F-word that may be popping up here at some point. But filthy or not, this is a fun word to say. Seriously, go ahead and say it out loud - it's oddly sexy, even if it does mean what it means. It just rolls off the tongue as if some supervillain, perhaps played by Tim Curry, were whispering it into your ear, right before he kills you. Now that is hot. Okay, maybe not hot so much as disturbing as hell. But isn't that how we like it anyway? Don't we all secretly want to get slimed? No? Really? Oh well, it's still a fun word to say out loud. Say it with me - feculent. Ooh, that sounds good.
Hey, am I the only one who smells the blood of an Englishman? Yup, this fave chant of giants, is also one of my fave F-words. It originates in King Lear (the second F-word on this list to involve Lear in someway) but the chant was first uttered in Giant-relation, in the fairy tale, Jack and the Beanstalk, originating (in print at least) from 1807, but becoming famous in an 1890 version of the tale. Many more modern retellings of Jack the Giant Killer, make the giant out to be a villain, and Jack a hero, saving the world from an evil giant. Many of the earlier tales tell a different story, where Jack is portrayed as being obsessed with greed, and the giant as a somewhat sympathetic character - a creature just surviving on his base instincts. This is the version I like. The Disney version (above, obviously) makes the giant out to just be a big bumbling oaf, neither good nor bad. Either way though, we hear the giant chant, Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman, Be he live or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread. Sounds to me, like Jack deserves his fate. Ha!
10. The Fribble & the Fishamajig
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly." - Oscar Wilde.
Not only the two best damn items on Friendly's menu (not exactly a high watermark by the by) but they fit perfectly together on this list - as I suppose Friendly's does as well. Okay, Friendly's may not be the finest of restaurants, instead being a place for old people and their 4pm dinner time, and gaggles of kids, fresh off some soccer game or middle school play, but they sure do know how to name their admittedly bland, mediocre food. I mean, come on now. The Fribble! The freakin' Fishamajig!! And notice I used freakin', not that other F-word that may or may not show up as you scroll down. The only chain restaurant with a better name than these, is Denny's with their Moons Over My Hammy sandwich.
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly." - Oscar Wilde.
Throughout history, the Fop, or the Dandy, has been an integral part of the style of society. From the Scarlet Pimpernel to Oscar Wilde (that's him lazing about just above) to Marcel Proust to Andy Warhol to The Count on Sesame Street to Bunny Wigglesworth to Mr. Peanut to Captain Jack Sparrow to Stewie Griffin on a good day to Johnny Weir to Pee Wee Freakin' Herman, these fancy-pants fashionistas have been the fashion forward, jet set of high (or in some cases low but wishing to be high) society. And c'mon, ya gotta love the clothes and the canes and the fancy-ass hats.
Meaning nonsense and/or foolish talk, there is a hell of a lot of flapdodle going on at places like Fox News (and I use the term News, very very very loosely) and Rush Limbaugh, and pretty much all the tea partying Republican crowd. A lot of flapdoodle, indeed. The word has also co-opted as both a board game (seen above, duh) and an ice cream parlour. But if truth be told, the reason I included this word, other than it being a pretty groovy sounding word, is that it has doodle as part of it. You see, one of the pet names I have for my lovely wife, is doodle, or doodlebug actually, so anything with doodle in it, is just alright with me. No flapdoodle about it! See what I did there? Yup.
7. Fanboy / Fangirl
Ah, the fanboy and the fangirl. Not crazy at all. Nope, not at all. Okay, these guys are nuts as all get out, but I still love 'em. Now granted, I do love me some Star Wars and Star Trek, and comic books and superheroes galore, and I would probably pee myself with glee if I were to meet Stan Lee or Leonard Nimoy, but these guys make my fandom look so paltry in comparison. Now there are a lot more fanboys than fangirls (probably 1000 to 1, at least) but that does not make the more ladylike of the crowd any less fannish. Granted, fangirls tend to look better than fanboys (cute nerd girl in a Star Wars tee at comic con vs. fat thirty-something living in his mother's basement and playing with his lightsaber, if ya know what I mean - if ya want the stereotypical comparison) but they all come together here on this list. And yeah, okay, maybe I do have some fanboy tendencies, but I moved out of my mom's basement when I was eighteen.
And speaking of fanboys and fangirls... here is a blast from my (and yours) comic book reading past. FOOM, which stood for Friends of Ol' Marvel, was a fan club and magazine put out by Marvel's ol' house of ideas, from 1973 through 1978. For a mere $4.00, you got a year's subscription (it was published quarterly) as well as a membership card, decals, posters, and other fun stuff. FOOM was the brainchild of artist-extraordinaire, Jim Steranko (hey, I met that guy once!) and then-Marvel editor Stan Lee. Chris Clarement, the guy who pretty much reinvented the long-dormant X-Men franchise back in 1975, and made them the stellar property they are today, would edit some of the later issues of the fan mag. Oh, and yes, as of 1977, a few months after being lured into comics by The Avengers and X-Men, I am a member of FOOM. Howzabout that!?
5. Fraggle Rock
Okay, technically this is two words, but it's all one name - one name of one of the greatest shows in TV history! Come on people, Fraggle Rock, well... it rocked. Fraggle Rock, which ran for 96 episodes between 1983 and 1987, was a Jim Henson created show, complete with a slew of brand new Muppet creations, and was co-produced by Canada, the US, and the UK. There were actually different versions filmed for various international markets, including Germany, France, Australia, Finland, Sweden, Portugal, Turkey, and many more. This show, which revolved around a gaggle of Muppets known as, of course, Fraggles, was one of this former kid-in-a-semi-adult-body's faves of the day. Yeah, I was a teenager when this first aired on HBO. What's it to ya?
Gotta love the fauxhawk! I know I do. I've sported the now classic fauxhawk many a time in my life. From David Beckham to Zac Efron to Pink and Justin Beiber to ex-Yankee Nick Swisher's Swish Hawk, the fauxhawk can be a good-looking thing, and it can be a bad-looking thing (guess which ones are which) but on me, it is definitely of the good-looking variety. Yup, I said that, and I'm not taking it back! But seriously, the fauxhawk, which can be styled by either brushing or gelling your hair into a hawk, or (as the guide above shows) having it cut into shape, is one of the most timeless manes of hair one can have - unless one were to count the Flock of Seagulls haircut, but that's a whole other story.
It's for the rest of us! This Christmas replacement was first highlighted on an episode of Seinfeld, where it was a holiday (a Festivus for the rest of us!) invented by George's batshitcrazy dad, played with a myriad of aplomb by the great Jerry Stiller. Festivus was actually invented by writer Daniel O'Keefe, back in 1966, as a newly minted family tradition. O'Keefe's son, by the way, would become a writer for a little show called - yup, you guessed it - Seinfeld. Since it's time on the sit-com, with it's unadorned aluminum pole and airing of grievances, Festivus has actually caught on, and is celebrated by many hipsters and non-hipsters alike (but mostly by hipsters, and then ironically at that) throughout the nation, as a sort of anti-commercialism secular thing-a-ma-jig. Now, bring on the feats of strength!!
The year was 1990. You might have been watching an episode of Seinfeld, or maybe Married With Children, or perhaps Murder She Wrote. Any of these are plausible scenarios. Anyway, you may have been watching one these shows, or something else, when the commercial break came, and you got your first taste of a German word-cum-advertising slogan. Yup, that's right, it was in 1990 that a certain car company took on the slogan of "Fahrvergnügen: It's what makes a car a Volkswagen." The word is German for driving enjoyment, or more specifically fahren = to drive, and vergnügen = enjoyment. As someone who drives a red 2007 VW Beetle (named Dr. Winston O'Boogie, by the way), this word needs to be near the top of the list. Aaaaand, that brings us to the number one F-word, which is...
That's right, the word you were all expecting isn't even here. I don't want to be seen as all that predictable. Then again, anyone who knows me, probably figured I would leave that word off just for spite, so maybe I am that predictable after all. But then how could I leave Fuhgeddaboudit off the list. I couldn't, that's how. From Tony Soprano to those infamous (and fantastic) signs, erected around Brooklyn, by Borough Prez, Marty Markowitz, Fuhgeddaboudit, originally an invented word (or word-ish word, if you will) used by Italian immigrants, but eventually co-opted at one time or another, by pretty much 99% of the people living in Brooklyn, Queens, The Bronx, New Jersey, et cetera, is a no-brainer on a list of the funnest F-words. Anyone who disagrees, all I can say to them is fuhgeddaboudit. Image by photographer Neil Bookman.
That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.