Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Letter Home from the Ice Planet Hoth

With apologies to both George Lucas and Allan Sherman, here is a little ditty I whipped up while watching the temp drop and drop and drop and drop some more, as Winter Storm Ion (whatta name!) brought forth his Polar Vortex of icy indignation and furious anger. Have at it.

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh
Ice Planet Hoth is such a bothah
The camp ya sent me to is a-glowin'
They say we'll have fun if it ever stops a-snowin'

I went hiking with a guy named Luke
A Wampa attacked and made me puke
Then it got worse than melted bon bons
We had to spend the night inside a dead Tauntaun

And the Rebels hate the Empire
And the At-At's are returning fire
And Princess Leia is a real bitch
That time of month makes her a real ice witch

Now I don't want this should scare ya
But that Wookiee just ate Rooney Mara
You remember Old Ben Kenobi
Well he's as dead as a slab of Kobe

Take me home, oh Muddah Fadduh, Hoth ain't safe for a bruddah
Don't leave me out in the tundra, where I might get eaten by a Wampa
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise, or mess the house with Star Wars toys
Oh please don't make me stay, I've been here one whole Hoth day
(which is like a fortnight back home on Alderaan...wait, what happened?)

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing
Guys are snow boarding and snow sailing
Playing Bolo-Ball, gee that's better
Muddah Fadduh kindly disregard this letter

Oh wait, don't disregard it. Vader's here! Boba Fett!! Han's in carbonite!! It's a traaaap!!!


That's it gang. See ya 'round the web.


  1. Reminds me of a day at the track:
    "BUD: I've got a fine horse and he's a mudder.
    LOU: He's a mudder! How can he be a mudder?
    BUD: Because he makes a better mudder than a she. Now I can't waste my
    time with you. I've got to go to the track and feed my mudder.
    LOU: And what do you give the old lady for breakfast--oats?
    BUD: Don't be old-fashioned. Modern mudders don't eat oats. They eat their fodder."
    UNCLE DONALD: Waaaaackkk!!!!

  2. His father was a mudder. His mudda was a mudder!

  3. What, me worry? Who's gonna sue ya? Lucas? The Sherman estate? Mad Magazine? Weird Al, fer stealin' his Yoda/Lola idea, and transferrin' it to a different part o' the film?

    Love ya, ya silly bastard!

  4. I hope to do more of these Mad-inspired song parodies. I'm working on changing the Fall Guy theme into a song about the JFK assassination.